Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Our Family

Dear Simon,

  I love talking about you and I have your pictures all over the house.  I have a bear with your heartbeat recorded in it, and I love to listen to it.  I even make Smelly listen to it!  But I want you to know us too.  I know you got to meet me and Daddy, but with the blue alien light, you had your eyes covered.  And you never got to come home and meet Smelly.  I know that you boys would have been such good friends.  Smelly would curl up on my tummy when I was pregnant with you and just purr and purr.  And you would kick and kick.  I always told Daddy that him purring was going to be such a comforting sound for you.  I'm so sad that you never got to meet.  So here is a picture of your kitty cat.

I know that he knows how much I miss you, and he has been Mommy's constant companion since you have been gone.
I am such a different person since you left us.  I know you see me, and I hope that you don't dislike the person I have become.  Same with Daddy.  We hope that some day, we can get close to the people we used to be.  But for now, we are just working on getting though every day.

 Daddy and Mommy January 2010 
A few weeks before we got pregnant with you.

Daddy and Mommy (and you!) in July 2010.  
I was 6 and 1/2 months pregnant with you and we went to the Ocean City, NJ on vacation.  We were SOOO happy!
  Our only family photo, taken on August 16, 2010.  This is the day you were born and the day you went to Heaven.  We were so excited to have you here, but we were so sad because you were gone.  We have never been the same since this day.

I wish you could know the fun, happy people that are in those old pictures.  I wish I could know them again.  I look at those pictures and I just want to shout to them "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS COMING!!!!"  I wish I could go back and tell them that they need to be more careful.  I want to shake them and make them understand what is going to happen and tell them to stop it.  I want to tell them to record every single second that you are here.  Every kick, every craving, every pound gained, every second of your 15 hours in the hospital.  

But I can't do that.  Those people are gone forever.  And I am trying my best to get used to the new people we have become.  I hope that you forgive our stumbles, and that you can see how much we love you and know how wanted you were.  We love you so much, baby boy.  You will always be part of our family.