Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Today is a sad day.

Dear Simon,

     Today Mommy got the awful news that your baby brother or sister went to join you in Heaven.  We only just found out we were going to have a baby last week.  It makes me feel a little better to know you are together.  I decided to call the baby Sibley, because it means 'brother or sister.'  So please tell Sibley that we love them and that even though we only had them for 6 weeks, we will never forget them.
     I feel so beaten down.  I miss you so much every second of every day.  When I found out I was going to have Sibley, I was excited for the first time in almost a year.  And now all that is crashing down around me.  All I want in life is to be a mom.  And I know that I will always be your mom, but I want you here with me.  And since I can't have that, I want a little brother or sister to be with me here on Earth.  I feel so hopeless.  I know God has a plan, but right now, I'm not loving that plan so much.  I want something good in my life again.  Daddy and I are so lost and hurt and angry.  We love you and miss you SO much, Simon.  It is hard to even imagine a life filled with happiness anymore.  Daddy and I wanted 2 children.  Now we have 2, but you are both in Heaven.  It is unfair.  I want my babies.  I want you back.


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