Five months. You have been gone for 5 months. It has been exactly 5 months since I held you. Daddy and I visited you today after church. It was Ian's baptism day today at church. You were supposed to be born 1 week after him. I kept thinking about how you should be getting baptized too. Instead, you were baptized in the hospital with doctors and nurses around trying to keep you alive. I'm so sorry you didn't get to have a nice baptism, with a gown made by Grandma and lots of people there smiling at you. I am very glad you were able to be baptized, and that Daddy and I were there, and your Godmom Kate. And I'm glad that Pastor Martha was there to do it, and to pray for you all day. There were not a lot of smiling people there, but there were sooooo many people all over the world praying for you. That's pretty amazing. You are so loved.
I met a little boy the other day, and he looked like I imagine you would have looked at 3. He was super cute, just like you! I wish I could see you grow up into a little boy. I wish you got to experience all the great things that little boys are supposed to. I wonder what you would be doing today, at 5 months old. I wish you were sleeping upstairs in your room. I would happily give up hours of sleep to hold you.
I miss you every day, but especially on the 16th. Miss Sarah said that she hopes I can remember the 16th as a happy day, because it was the day I got to spend with you. And I do remember it like that. Holding your hand was the closest I can come to Heaven here on Earth. My life began when I got to be your mommy. Thank you so much for being my son. I love you more than I can express.